Rheumatism

I am tired of this blog. I dont feel i can be who i want to be. Hence the slow death, hence the sound of typing dripping to a close.

I wont make the mistake twice of blatantly deleting, I have lost too much of myself already.

But, this is its end, though there will be a new beginning.

I wish everything could have a new beginning.

SUNshINE

i think van has sth, weather is directly proportional to ones mood! IT WAS SUNNY TODAY :) :) :) :) :) amazing weather!! me z and mellie lay blankets on the grass by the volleyball court while jill slacklined from one volleyball pole to the other (slacklining is this cool elastic tight rope walking thing... jill=wonderwomaN!) we just like collapsed under the sun and giggled non stop loL... it was ridiculous! we were like delirious from joy of seeing the sun! what has the seattle winter turned us into?! loL z did a sundance all the way down to the volleyball court

and i have also decided that my mood lifts immediately when i get attention i didnt expect. that makes me happy :) like today when i said smart things in my international studies class and got an approved smile from the considerably leng chai guy in my discussion :) and when my TA and i spoke turkish! HAPPY
but i was grumpy in turkish class because its getting harder. BOO. and my teacher asked me something i cldnt answer. BOO. i am slowly progressing further and further away from being his favorite. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Happiness Is..

I am inspired to write! I just got an envelope from Thomas, from Germany, who I met in Turkey, that has videos and pictures from Izmir! I miss Turkey, and I have almost forgotten how good it felt there. I loved it! I loved the language (still do... its been a good four months, and im liking it as much as i did when i was struggling to communicate in Turkey) but most of all, I love the people.. i was so touched that I sent off a postcard to Semra immediately... I hope she gets it! It will be good for me to have a penpal i guess :) yeay Turkce!
I was laughing so hard at the jokes, and the funny things said... and I felt sad again when i saw the eyes of the children of kadifekale.. Turkey was so INTENSE.. every feeling was heightened, seriously. I laughed harder, cried harder and loved harder (van, ju, lizzie, tho i doubt anyone reads this anymore haha... does that explain my ferocity in staying unattached?) than any other experience. Every smile was genuine in Izmir, and it really doesnt feel like that now.

but anyway, thats done and in the past. now all i have to look forward to is going back :D which reminds me... im planning to apply for study abroad in turkey... bleh to JPA and rules BLEHBLEHBLEH hahahaha... maybe next year? ill be a junior :O so fast...
and im going to die with business (that was actually busy-ness, then i realised it was the same thing haha) this quarter. 20 credits, which is 4 hours of class per day (we arent counting homework time yet waa... technically its supposed to be double the time you spend in class per week) and im applying for an internship with the Internationalist (its this cool independent Global affairs mag, that supplies to the students in colleges. its aim is to bring international awareness to the american students, YEAY... i can pitch dee!!) THAT is a minimum of 20 hours per week... which works out to be 4 hours a day if i dont work weekends... but it takes me abt an hour to get there and back... so make it 5... and i cant work mondays because i have LAB for chem
So all i need is 51 hours in a day (because i sleep 12 hours :D)

speaking of chem (or rather, speaking about classes) all my teachers this quarter are so funny :)... i finally realised that my turkish teacher is gay. i dont know what took me so long to figure out. hes unmarried at 48, hes chic and he has a special voice (that i first thought was sarcasm loL) which he uses for the hot frat boy in my class. i really dont know why it took me 4 months to realise what i could have realised in a week. but i like him very much, even though i dont condone his sexual preferences. and regardless of him being gay, i am still his favourite student (but helena is coming close! he didnt pay me as much attention on tuesday! i am feeling displaced *sad*) although it seems that i have to fight for his glowing approval.

my chem teacher is this cool old dude with a limp (i think hes really cool) and he always has trouble with the equipment in the lecture room. its kind of funny. the computer will switch off, or the mic wont work... or he cant find his stuff for his experiments, or he will lose his pen... but NO I LIKE HIM VERY MUCH. he isnt very interesting though, but he does a decent job as far as chem teachers go. i dont have high stds, my last chem teacher was a witch incarnate.

international studies is this intimidating prof who seems like she will step on anyone who tries to get in her way. shes really nice and witty and sharp... but think a shiny, pretty, finely crafted, deadly sharp razor blade. shes dangerous. and shes frail looking too, so thats makes her seem even MORE dangerous... like calm waters filled with crocodiles.. or sth like that?

chid. chid. chid. this prof at first reminded me of colonel sanders from KFC :) he a regular silver haired santa, but like Z (who i take the class with) pointed out... if he was santa, he would be something like this...
Santa: HOHOHO *jiggle* MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Kid: Santa! Have you brought me presents? Ive been good this year!
Santa: Oh, yes, small, confused, naive child whose mind has been warped by the thoughts of the world that has been imposed on it? But, do you know WHAT GOOD IS?

Everytime i ask him questions after class, he answers with many many many words until i get flustered and confused and i drown in them. then while walking back, i digest what he says, and realise that he didnt answer my qstn at all. not that he cant or didnt understand... hes VERY intelligent, even though he likes to swear in the same sentence that uses SAT words, but very complicated. Too many thoughts under in his head, methinks.

hm who else? i have my international studies TA, whos really cool :) and i think shes dating a guy from my turkish class! they make such a cute couple! yeaY! happY! i like cute couples!

but anywaY im going to go.. weekends begun but the work doesnt end! much love and much happiness to one and all!

New Years!

Its been so long *ooh err* i suck at blogging, it feels like a chore now more than anything else.. im in LA :P YEAY
christmas this year was the most unchristmasy christmas ive EVER had. it wasnt sad or miserable lah, it was just so... normal. like any other day.
vanessa and i were in vegas, and while we went out to go to church for a service, everything just felt fake.
vegas is an interesting place to go for like a couple of days.. any more than that becomes stifling under the brazen neon lights. they call it sin city, and well, thats exactly what it is. its in the middle of the desert, and yet its a tourist spot..
Why?
because human nature will go to the ends of the earth to live in sin.
gambling, drinking, sex.. everythings okay in vegas
you have moving vans with bikini clad girls plastered on each side, advertising HOT BABES DELIVERED TO YOU.. you have casino after casino, slot machine after slot machine in hotels with different themes but with people, as vanessa said, with the same dejected expression. i was sad at the number of lonely people who skulked by the poker tables playing hopeless rounds of cards with the dealer on christmas eve.
its christmas for goodness' sake, it should at least be the only time you see your flesh and blood.

it was something abt the lights.
blinking, never stopping, egging people to spend their life savings away under the artificial shine of a mocking replacement of the sun
and i have never seen so many colors smashed together in my life.
everything was exaggerated and dramatised: flashy beads, entertainers in brightly colored corsets, replicas of real life blown out of proportion

no matter how classy the hotels got, like the bellagio for example, there was just this cheapness in the air that couldnt be shaken off. no amounts of french perfume or scented roses could fix such a thing.

dont get me wrong, it must sound like i hated vegas.
i didnt.
but on no account did i love it either.
it was a very face value *interesting* because the hotels are so lavish and extravagant that it can be quite mind blowing. New York New York had a complete replica of the statue of liberty, and the inside of the hotel was done up completely like streets of NY with trees and everything. the Venetian was done up like the Sistine Chapel, Trasure Island came with two full size pirate ships, and Paris was... well... PARIS lol
but i would have been so much happier to be caught up in the glamor and then to leave the next day. the more time i spent in vegas, the more time i thought about the people in vegas, and the more disilluioning it got.

i doubt i will be back in vegas anytime soon, but i have 2 days left of my west coast mini roadtrip! tomorrow la and ill be back in seattle soon! yeay! it was fun. but im so broke now that its not funny.. cant wait to get back to my meal plan and my dorm where everything is FREE

I Didnt Mean it THAT waY!

°§à®A° says:
do u want to gallivant?
Dārayawuš says:
whats that
Dārayawuš says:
oh
Dārayawuš says:
1. To roam about in search of pleasure or amusement. See Synonyms at wander.
2. To play around amorously; flirt.
Dārayawuš says:
hm
Dārayawuš says:
sure i guess
°§à®A° says:
hahahaha
°§à®A° says:
NOT THE SECOND ONE
°§à®A° says:
hahahahahaha
Dārayawuš says:
ARE YOU SURE?
°§à®A° says:
*dies laughing*

Not Happy

I have got so much to rant about, but i cant do it here. and i cant rant to anyone.
i wish i would get a phone call.
i wish i could go home NOW, not so much because i dont like it here or that i want to go home but because im tired of trying to fit in.
bleh im giving up so much of my social life, whatever little of it i do have..
but i have a good reason to, i mean the best there is, and if i cant handle a little bit of peer pressure (not that there is much of it anyway.. i have more pressure from myself for not being *happening*) then i dont deserve anything
BLEH BLEH BLEH
such a yucky day
ring phone, damnit.

Meet Eli

This is Eli.
Eli is my roommate.

Eli is trying to kill me.

Evidence:

I have to keep this short for the protection of my life.

But, if ever you dont see me online, hopelessly addicted to onine card playing (gambling with fake money! i lost half a million today! w00t!)...

YOU KNOW WHO DID IT.